Who You Were Should Not Match Who You are

July 28, 2019,

If you don’t like where you are and more importantly, today, who you are, the question we ask is how did you get to this point?

Maybe it parallels some of the stories that we know in our circle.

Let’s make sure that we understand something. We’re not asking where you want to go and who do you want to become in the future. That is another discussion. The question is, if you are very unhappy with your situation today, we sense you need to examine how you got there in the first place.

Then, what you can do it about it may become clear so that you don’t keep repeating the past.

We bring this up due to an experience from a friend of ours named Megan.

Megan lives in a gated condo complex in an urban area and though her complex is relatively safe, the homeless can easily figure out how to get in and out of her nicely kept community.

As she was walking towards her residence, she saw a homeless woman, probably in her early 50’s, waiting for an associate who was sifting through the dumpster for recyclables.

The lady could see Megan coming out of the corner of her eye and as Megan got closer, she thought the woman would keep looking forward. She didn’t.

Instead she looked at Megan and politely said hello.

Megan politely replied hello and kept walking. She couldn’t help but wonder who this woman used to be in an earlier time of her life and why in the dignified stages of middle age she is sorting her finances out through a dumpster.

Usually Megan doesn’t give homeless people a second thought. Most of us transition into adult life with baggage from our youth. Either our parents got us off to a bad start or we were rebellious and made bad decisions on our own.

Either way, life can be tough.

But you should never give up.

She felt that too many homeless people had a sob story. We all do. They gave up while we didn’t. Still, something felt different about the woman that she briefly met. There was something dignified and even professional about her.

Megan will never forget that moment.

We all used to be someone.

Things get real simple. As we analyze our life today, right at this moment, we are happy with who we’ve ascended into or determined not to remain who we’ve descended into.

If you are ecstatic about your life situation, and many are, good for you.

For those of us who crave improvement, we need to look back on the decisions that we made when we were younger, primarily in our 20’s and 30’s to see how those decisions propelled us to where we are today.

We turn an eye to film to view the life of a young woman who is making decisions in her twenties that will absolutely impact her in middle age if she doesn’t change. She may be happy with her present but we can’t remotely imagine her being happy with this life in her future.

fciwomenswrestling.com femcompetitor.com, Magnolia Pictures photo credit

The Girlfriend Experience is a 2009 American slice of life drama film directed by Steven Soderbergh and starring adult film star Sasha Grey.

It was shot in New York City, and a rough cut was screened at the Sundance Film Festival in January 2009.

The film is notable because it was produced for $1.3 million and was shot with a relatively inexpensive Red One camera with sterling results.

The storyline goes, in the days leading up to the 2008 presidential election, a high-end Manhattan escort meets the challenges of her boyfriend, her clients, and her work.

Chelsea (real name Christine) specializes in offering girlfriend experiences.

We loved the film and so did the expert reviewers at rogerebert.com who also analyzed her clients and Chelsea’s decision making dilemma, “By paying money for the excuse of sex, they don’t have to say: I am lonely. I am fearful. I am growing older. I am not loved. My wife is bored with me. I can’t talk to my children. I’m worried about my job, which means nothing to me. Above all, they are saying: Pretend you like me.”

Now for her dilemma.

She finds that lately her clients are spending less and less on her services, and are troubled by the financial crisis, a topic they raise frequently in her company.

Our beautiful girl charges about $2,000 an hour and that is wonderful while it lasts but as we know, in that profession it usually doesn’t last long. Even though it seems like a lot of money at the time, even saving it up is a limited proposition.

In our middle to old age, while a large savings is nice, given a life catastrophe due to loss of health, job loss, bad investments, falling prey to predators or other disasters, that savings will melt like butter in the hot sun.

The key is to learn how to build increasing recurring incomes when you are young.

Chelsea would be better off buying a Condo for cash and then she has at least one recurring income as she ages.

If you are young and have a solid job, if you purchase a home or condo on a 10-15 year loan, you will have a recurring income at middle age. Do that twice and now look what you have to match your Social Security, IRA and if you are truly blessed, a pension.

Please stay away from the 30 year loan alligators. Never refinance. It is worse than starting over. A lot can change in your situation during the course of 30 years.

With Megan, it is a matter of health.

She partied and frequently consumed alcohol, ate fun foods in her youth, often on the run, in the midst of her busy career.

Work hard and play hard.

“Nobody’s life is ever all balanced. It’s a conscious decision to choose your priorities every day.”… Elisabeth Hasselbeck

Fast foods, meat delicacies, spicy pizza, sweets, sugary drinks and teas along with her love of chocolate desserts and it finally caught up with her at middle age.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Now health maintenance, a healthy diet focus and exercise is her new primary job.

If only she had made those decisions when she was young. The irony is that she knows of a chain smoker who will probably outlive her. Major health problems often have side effects that are worse than the initial problem which can affect your liver and kidneys, then you really have a problem.

Then there are the medicines and pills you’ll have to take which are not only expensive but have their side effects as well.

“You write your life story by the choices you make. You never know if they have been a mistake. Those moments of decision are so difficult.”… Helen Mirren

We can’t emphasize enough how important it is to eat right when you are young. If you don’t, how it changes your enjoyment of life later can be devastating. Things that you passionately once loved, you no longer will be able to.

The key to decision making is to gather as much information as possible beforehand and try and make the right choices. All of the available information about your various options should be gathered and weighted.

One day you will be middle aged, if you are fortunate. Once there, while you probably won’t be standing outside of a dumpster saying hello to the Megan’s of the world who live behind gates, you still want to be in a situation where you are happy where you are at because of the important decisions that you made when you were young.