Your Self Worth? Your Defined Behavior Calculates It For You

May 16, 2022,

How do you measure your self-worth?

Many do it by looking at their financial portfolio, and there is a lot to be said for that.

Virtually everything that is important to us, from the things we desire to purchase for ourselves and family members, to the lifestyle we would like to live and project along with the causes we passionately want to support.

They all cost money.

What is self-worth?

The team at merriam-webster.com keeps it simple. They explain that self-worth is, “a sense of one’s own value as a human being.”

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Pretty heavy.

We can say that we greatly value ourselves but our defined behavior may say differently.

One of our associates, even though he was a college graduate, worked for years in a Call Center.

He absolutely hated the job.

So why did he take it?

He stated that he wanted to devote a massive amount of time serving God and he thought the organized religion he was in was a vehicle to do that. Participating in that religion consumed so much of his time that it was like having two fulltime jobs so he had to keep his employment very simple and steady.

Every time we hear that tale from him, our heart sinks.

First of all, he was working for the organized religion for free.

He was underemployed.

He allowed customers and people in his religion to bring conflict into his life.

What does that tell you how he viewed himself?

Decades later he was clinically diagnosed with very low self-esteem with emphasis on the word “very”.

He worked with someone for a while at the same company for a year. They were about the same age. Why did the other young man leave?

The colleague told our associate this company could never pay him the money that he was worth and left within a year.

Our associate, with deep sadness, never forgot that.

All said and done, we were not remotely impressed with his organized religion that he left, after twenty years, possibly wasting his youth and the most important time to make your financial hay before you get old and sick like many of us do.

Tragic tale, that if you knew all of the details, including his so-called Christian wife leaving him because he didn’t make enough money and much more horrid side-effects, in many ways, from a distance, we viewed his life as one wasted when with a greater sense of self-worth, he would have lived a much different life.

Which brings us to film.

Doesn’t life philosophy always do that for us?

The name of an incredibly good film is Side Effects.

Side Effects is a 2013 American psychological thriller film directed by Steven Soderbergh and written by Scott Z. Burns.

It stars Rooney Mara as a woman who is prescribed experimental drugs by psychiatrists (Jude Law and Catherine Zeta-Jones) after her husband (Channing Tatum) is released from prison.

We won’t give it away but what eventually becomes clear is that the wife involved didn’t love her husband, she loved the lifestyle he once gave her. She saw her self-worth in that lifestyle.

Once her husband lost that for her, and it was completely his fault, she no longer loved him nor wanted to be with him.

She wanted another life and was willing to do terrible things to get it.

She saw her self-worth based upon the city she lived in, her wealth and lifestyle.

Since we are on the subject of Jude Law films and self-worth, the film, The Nest, is another fascinating think piece that speaks to our subject.

The Nest is a 2020 period drama film written, directed, and produced by Sean Durkin.

It stars Jude Law, Carrie Coon, Charlie Shotwell, Oona Roche, and Adeel Akhtar.

Here is the storyline.

In the 1980s, Englishman Rory O’Hara and his American wife, Allison, live a middle-class life in New York City with their children Ben and Sam.

Very important, Ben is their child together.

Sam is Allison’s daughter from a previous relationship.

Allison teaches horseback riding, while Rory is a financial trader.

Believing his opportunities in America are limited, Rory convinces Allison to relocate with him to Britain, where he plans to return to the firm of his former employer Arthur Davis.

Despite Allison’s strong initial misgivings, the family moves into a huge old mansion in Surrey.

Now it is about the lifestyle.

Rory convinces Allison she can start her own horse farm on the property, buying a horse named Richmond for her. Construction begins on a stable. Ben is enrolled in an expensive private school. Sam is enrolled in a state school. Rory takes Allison to high-class dinner parties with Arthur and his colleagues.

Several weeks later, construction abruptly stops on the stable.

Learning that Rory never paid the builders, Allison discovers that his bank account is nearly empty. Rory promises he will have money soon, but Allison is forced to provide for the family by cutting into her hidden cash fund. Allison bristles at Rory’s efforts to appear high-class while they remain nearly broke.

It gets far worse so you need to watch the film.

What intrigued us, and the masterful actor Jude Law pulls this off brilliantly, is how important appearing to be high class and wealthy meant to him.

His self-worth was completely based upon his bank account and lifestyle and when it all came crashing down upon him, the ending scene is very touching in its simplicity and honesty.

Searching questions.

How much should our internal self-worth be tied to money and lifestyle?

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In our examples here, our associate did not value money and lifestyle enough and it blew up in his face.

He’s now old and lives alone.

In film, the two characters described above appeared to place way too much value on money and lifestyles.

The key is to find the balance.

Only each of us can determine what our self-worth is and one thing we would like to emphasis is to not completely dismiss the importance of making a great living and living the lifestyle that both you and your family desire.

It should not be written off as shallow materialism.

The schools and social influence your children receive, after eating breakfast, once they are out of the home, on a day to day basis depends upon where they go to school and who they associate with.

Have you ever lived in a poor neighborhood?

If you are young, our suggestion is to always reach for the highest level in an honorable way.

It is absolutely not worth cheating to achieve a higher lifestyle.

Find the balance, but think high. Absolutely aim high.

We agree with the thinking of our associate’s work mate who left that particular company because they couldn’t pay him enough.

He was spot on.