Very Good, You’re Finally Living For Yourself

December 2, 2019,

Your life has to be very important to you. Right now. No matter your age or situation.

For a host of reasons.

One of those reasons is because, depending upon where you are standing, possibly sitting at this moment in time, despite what you think, it’s not all that important to others.

Your life that is.

The children are gone. Your spouse too. With them, gone too are your common memories. Yes in most ways they are gone as well. At least in a shared way.

Most people in her circle used to call her Deborah. Now that most of them have left, and in all fairness she moved on too, she simply goes by Deb.

Is Deb’s story a familiar one? It depends. What it depends upon is what your story is.

Deb’s came into perspective for her when she moved from her apartment to her new Condo she recently purchased for cash. She didn’t want a rent or mortgage payment anymore and decided to cash in her savings and other financial accounts.

In the process of moving she came across some pictures that she took when she was young, not of buildings, many of which over time get torn down, but of the people she met when she was there, primarily young, who would be middle aged to older people now.

Possibly deceased.

They were real snapshots taken in unique moments when she was in Brazil that she had blown up and framed. They even looked professional to the untrained eye.

Several things really stayed with her.

First, it brought her back to a time that occurred over 30 years ago, when she was young and it felt like her youth and self-importance would go on forever.

Neither lasted.

Her youth and self-importance are both gone and she knows it. Now, at least to many others, she is just another middle-aged lady walking down the street that they barely notice.

Nor are physically attracted to.

The other aspect to this occurrence was that the pictures had been stored for so long that she even forgot that she had them so she knew that the rest of her former family members had as well.

To them, those pictures that used to hang upon her family wall, their family wall, never happened.

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They have completely forgotten about them and when Deb passes and they come through to sift through her belongings for material treasures they can use in the present, as rich and valuable as those pictures were and are, they will end up in the trash or sold for one dollar at a garage sale.

The only person on this entire planet that those very unique beautifully framed photographs are important to is her.

In all fairness she experienced that herself when she and her two siblings closed out their parent’s substantial home filled with high-end material possessions.

Before they sold the house, Deb mildly feared that they were going to argue over who gets what but fortunately it didn’t turn out that way.

Their own homes and Condos were so full that they really didn’t have the room for the furniture and other material items.

How many pictures, even if really artistic and beautiful, can you hang on your walls? How many chairs, sofas or dining room tables do you need? How many expensive cookware can you squash into your kitchen cabinets?

You can’t. It’s just too much.

In Deb’s case, most of the items were given away to her sister’s church members, to Goodwill or simply thrown away through Junk King so that they could clean the expensive home out by deadline so the buyers could move in.

Deb surmised that material possessions are truly for the moment and not worth storing.

Most of life is simply about the moments too. Make them count. To you.

Ultimately no one else cares about what you have essentially hoarded. It’s nothing personal. The things that she did keep from her parents barely fit in her Condo and if she suddenly passes, they are of no value to no one else.

Her museum would be closed.

The conclusion that Deb came to at this stage of her life was that after living a life for husband, work and the church, she is now literally living every moment for herself. Even if few care about her life, she still does.

In a new and refreshing way.

She now has given herself permission to live the life that she wants for herself.

Deb cautions herself about being bitter because things did not work out the way she expected or revenge in terms of ha, ha, ha, living well is the best revenge. It is, if you are concerned about what others think about you.

Now it should be more about what you think about yourself.

She loves her new found privacy and plans to keep it that way. She has no one that she needs to impress.

Young or older, if you’ve been through a life collapse as Deb has, wouldn’t it be better to focus on what makes you happy right now? To live for yourself right now, the way that you didn’t before?

Deb began to literally rid herself of her material possessions and in terms of furnishings and storage, live an extremely minimalist lifestyle.

She watched a lot of online videos about Tiny Houses. People who lived off the grid in restored buildings, motorhomes, former commercial train containers or whatever storage centers they used to be were now converted into very creative tiny homes.

With no mortgage.

Very creative, artistic and inspiring.

In her previous life her possessions were mostly for her family to enjoy and to show off to others in her circle when she invited them over for back yard BBQs, dinner, birthday parties or group celebrations.

She didn’t need that now. Time to shed.

What became more important to her was how she was furnishing her mind.

What memories she was creating in the present. That was something that she would personally keep for whatever time that she had left, long or short.

The epitome of that thinking was what she remembered from John Travolta’s masterpiece Saturday Night Fever.

When his character Tony was going to help his slighter older girlfriend Stephanie move out of her apartment and move on from her previous relationship, she too thought she might have to argue with her former lover, mentor and roommate over who gets what.

Turns out he could care less.

She could have everything.

He was moving on to his new life. As he stated when being introduced to her new boyfriend Tony, he described himself as status un-specified.

So all that he shared with Stephanie in the past, in terms of material possessions meant nothing to him now. In a few months he wouldn’t remember any of what, in an item by item way, they shared together.

Please don’t feel sorry for Deb. She actually lives a full life. Truly. The difference is that it is a life that she completely wants for herself and even if few to no one else appreciates or remembers it, on this very personal and alone, not lonely, journey in life, there is one most important person who will remember it.