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July 27, 2022,
We all need second chances in life. So, some say.
But do we all want it?
Isn’t the point of a second chance, the ability to address something that you would absolutely do differently, better, from the first time, if only you had a second chance?
We will move forward with that premise.
A group of us were relaxing one sunny, calm 70 degree day in San Francisco, drinking over-priced coffee and loving living in Northern, California, as this subject came up.
Tessa, upon reflecting on her life thus far, filled with some success but a few major failures, was asked, if she had to do it over again, would she address those major failures?
What Tessa said surprised us.
She said no. For two reasons.
Two? Heaven forbid, preach on.
Tessa explained, the first is, you learn from your major failures in ways that you never would, had you not failed. If you are willing to take responsibility for your actions that led up to the failure, and not blame others, that is when major life changes occur and you evolve into another person.
And the second?
She added, the second is, you are basing this need to do it all over again on the premise that life is worth living. It is why so many, who are in organized religion, want a second chance in the afterlife.
We, at FCI, though long removed, spent 20 years in an organized religion.
Tessa doesn’t feel that life is worth living again, in this life or the next one.
She feels that if a person gives their best effort in this life; that should be sufficient.
To go through life under the premise that you will have another one later is to fuel the thinking of giving less than your best effort. You can cruise along, play it safe, and settle for less because after all, in the afterlife, everything will be perfect.
You can put off taking risks and doing important things until later. But you know what?
There is no later.
It is not going to be perfect. Ever.
The main ingredient that negates living again and again is that people will always be there.
Who are human beings?
Liars, cheaters, deceptive, treacherous, murderous, adulterers, thieves, bigoted, misogynous, sexually perverted, unyielding, religiously oppressive, telling other people how they should live their lives, war like, global terrorists, environmental destroyers, exploitive of the weak, taking their land, turning them into slaves, rapists, corrupt and much more.
The list is endless.
Any life that involves human beings is not worth living again.
Okay Tessa, tell us what you really think.
From our view, she does have a point.
To go back in time and redo an important failure could mean that you feel this life is worth living and you want to do it right a second time.
That was Tessa’s point of view.
Let’s look at another one.
“Tapestry” is the 15th episode of the sixth season of the American science fiction television series Star Trek: The Next Generation, the 141st overall.
Here is the storyline.
During a diplomatic mission, Captain Picard is rushed to sickbay due to severe, unexpected injuries. In particular, a deadly wound to his heart.
After dying from his wounds, he awakes to find himself in an otherworldly realm, where he is greeted by the god-like alien Q.
Q greets him with, “Welcome to the afterlife, Jean-Luc — you’re dead!” Q explains that the energy weapon that shot Picard destroyed his artificial heart, and that a natural heart would have survived the shot.
Picard lost his original heart as a young officer, when he was stabbed during a bar brawl, an event he regrets.
When Picard remarks that he would do things differently if he could relive that moment, Q sends Picard back in time two days before the brawl, where he meets with fellow cadets and friends Corey Zweller and Marta Batanides.
They are surprised by Picard’s change of personality; no more devil-may-care attitude.
Zweller is cheated by a Nausicaan at a bar game, and plans his revenge trying to rig the next match, but is prevented from rigging the table by Picard.
When the Nausicaans try to bring Zweller into another game, Picard prevents it. When Zweller is goaded into attacking the Nausicaans after being called a coward, Picard intervenes by holding Zweller back, even pushing him down to the floor, averting tragedy but humiliating his friend.
Zweller leaves him in disgust.
Marta is attracted by Picard’s unexpectedly mature behavior and has a one-night stand with him, but it complicates their friendship. Their friendship ends.
Be careful what you ask for.
Q returns Picard to the Enterprise in the present.
Instead of being the captain, Picard is a junior science officer who has led an unremarkable career doing routine work.
Picard consults Commander Riker and Counselor Troi, who explain that his aversion to risk means he has never distinguished himself.
Picard confronts Q, who tells him that although the fight with the Nausicaan nearly cost him his life, it also gave him a sense of his mortality. It taught him that life was too precious to squander by playing it safe.
Picard realizes that his attempts to suppress and ignore the consequences of his indiscretions have resulted in him losing a part of himself.
Picard declares that he would rather die as the captain of the Enterprise than live life undistinguished.
He would rather die as the man he was, than live the life he just saw.
You see, apparently he did it right the first time. Big mistake and all.
No second chance was really needed.
Some in our circle, unlike the seemingly harshness of Tessa’s views, feel that things in life happen for a reason. Who said that all things in life should be joyous and good? And what would life be like if you never made a mistake? Doesn’t humility come from reflecting upon your mistakes, sometimes asking for forgiveness, and then arguably becoming a better person?
What are we trying to say?
Some second chances are important.
Especially in personal relationships.
You didn’t spend enough time with your child in your family life and now you have a chance to make it up to them by spoiling your grandchildren, their children, and spending time with them.
Where we tend to part ways with the second chance theory is, if you believe that going back in time and doing things different, now everything will work out better.
Maybe perfectly.
The challenge with that theory is, to achieve the desired perfect outcome, voids any need to learn something from your major mistakes.
In terms of Life being a tough Task Master, we feel there is a lot of truth in that.
Painfully so.
However, in that role, Life tends to be the best teacher as well.
Your first experiences at failure happened for a reason.
Don’t undo them.
Learn from them.
~ ~ ~
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tapestry_(Star_Trek:_The_Next_Generation)
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