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December 6, 2021
Whoever said that death, in a funeral eulogy, is a celebration of life, must have had a crummy life.
If your life was so good, why would you want it to end?
People are sad at a funeral for a reason. Often, something that was once wonderful, like the relationship with a best friend or someone you once deeply loved, has come to an end.
Great endings don’t have to be happy endings. In fact, in our experience, most endings, whether expected or not, are often fitting.
The person drank too much.
Smoked too much.
Cheated on his wife too much.
Didn’t see his children until they were adults.
Was terrible with money and had a lousy retirement.
Didn’t remotely exercise enough.
When you fall into those categories, your ending is often fairly predictable.
That’s why we like to watch a really good movie with a surprise ending.
We can get predictable endings in real life. We don’t need to go to the theater to see one.
As far as happy endings go, it depends upon the movie. It’s one of the reasons we virtually never watch romantic comedies (yawn) because the happy ending is not only expected, it is predictable.
And often boring and not believable.
We will concede that some people’s ending, in real life, is not so predictable, even if their middle most likely is.
There is a small trend here in Nor Cal where college educated single moms, who booted out their husbands and have made a decision that they can raise a male child on their own without a father figure, is intriguing and thankfully someone else’s beginning and middle and not ours, in our childhood.
They give the boy names like Bear or androgynous ones like Kim.
Well, at least it wasn’t Flipper.
Forgive us for asking, but with all of the masculine names a plenty out there, why would you name your son Kim?
We can just see him going up to a beautiful girl at the high school dance, and making an introduction.
“Hi, my name is Kim”.
A confused look comes over the girl’s face and she replies, “You mean like Kim Kardashian?”
Kim replies, “Yes, exactly. My mother has loved the Kardashians for years. I really love my mother. What is your relationship like with your mother?”
The girl quietly thinks to herself, well, no action tonight.
Then there is the opposite side of the spectrum where the single mom gives her son a very off the wall masculine name like Bear. Well, at least it’s not Lion, Crocodile (remember Croc Dundee?) or Gorilla.
In raising Bear, mom raises him to be vegan with really long hair, takes baths with him, hugs him a lot and sometimes applies finger nail polish and eye shadow on her beloved cubby.
Thank heavens our mother never took baths with us.
Good thing a Southern Daddy was around (Go Texas A&M Aggies).
Speed up to the high school dance. Bear sees a beautiful girl, walks over and introduces himself, “Hi, my name is Bear”.
The girl pauses for a second to see if he is serious, then asks, “You mean like Smokey the Bear or Yogi Bear?”
(Whisper to you) Well, at least she didn’t say Winnie the Pooh.
Bear smiles and replies, “Yes, exactly, like both actually, except I don’t crap in the woods and if I do, I bring a shovel to bury it. Oh, and I always put out my campfires.”
Great line Bear.
Well, we sense we know how that potential date is going to go.
But here is the good news for both Bear and Kim. We have no idea what kind of ending they will have in what promises to be a fairly eventful life.
This is why we love the International Film Channel and especially IFC After Dark. Talk about unpredictable endings. Especially if they are horror films from the UK.
IFC Films is an American film production and distribution company based in New York City.
It is an offshoot of IFC owned by AMC Networks. It distributes mainly independent films under its own name, select foreign films and documentaries under its Sundance Selects label and genre films under its IFC Midnight label.
We were driven there by some of the mainstream movies who actually had a great beginning and middle but copped out on the ending.
Like this focus group compromise.
The Voyeurs is a 2021 American erotic thriller film written and directed by Michael Mohan. Shot and set in Montreal, it stars Sydney Sweeney and Justice Smith as a young couple who spy on and become obsessed by the lives of their neighbors across the street (Ben Hardy and Natasha Liu Bordizzo).
The film received mixed reviews from critics (for good reason), who compared it unfavorably to its forebears in the voyeuristic thriller genre, such as Rear Window (1954) and Body Double (1984), the latter of which had a really lousy ending.
The Voyeurs actually has a great beginning, a declining and complicated, but still interesting middle, and then an absolutely horrible ending.
The heroine, who in this case is an obsessed voyeur, decides to befriend the wife she is spying on, to let her know that her alpha male womanizing husband is cheating on her, with disastrous results.
She feels so bad about what happened that she decides to console the bad boy husband. How?
By sleeping with him of course. Talk about self-righteousness and hypocrisy.
Then she eventually finds out that the husband and wife fooled her in a ruse.
What a wonderful ending. This girl deserved it.
Writers and Producers of Voyeurs? Please stop here.
But guess what?
Whoever produced this mumbo jumbo decided to give it a politically correct ending where the voyeur heroine gets revenge and after destroying a few lives along the way, has a happy ending for herself.
Since her significant other is no longer there, who wasn’t sexually exciting enough for her (but was very politically correct, hanging out with her and her gal pals at coffee), she most likely will spawn with another alpha male, later boot him out and name her son Bear, Moon Shadow, Wheat Flakes or Boo Boo.
With this crazy voyeur, he’ll get to eat burgers if they are vegan, pizza with vegetable cheese that tastes like card board and/or steak that is comprised of peanuts, alfalfa and soy.
It was so compromised that they twisted the plot lines so that what she did wasn’t so bad after all.
Oh boy.
No, make that oh girl.
This is the kind of movie that drives us running with our hair on fire to IFC After Dark.
After viewing this film, one of our associates from Bryan College Station, Texas told us, at his funeral, we are welcome to read this eulogy.
He loved life as long as it didn’t include viewing romantic comedies, scripted phony semi-competitive women’s wrestling filled with loud grunts and funky groans and lousy movie endings where the heroine does bad things and the producer places a spin on it where she is not so bad after all.
And, if he accidentally fathered a son out there that he doesn’t know about, please don’t name him Bear.
P.S. Please give him a fresh haircut every now and then.
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OPENING PHOTO Femcompetitor.com, grapplingstars.com, fciwomenswrestling.com, fcielitecompetitor.com, fciwomenswrestling2.com Cottonbro-pexels.com-photo-credit.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IFC_Films
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Voyeurs
https://www.fcielitecompetitor.com/
https://fciwomenswrestling.com/
