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Cautionary tales, at least in our minds, should always be about someone else other than ourselves.
They are stories that take on many forms.
The friend who was swindled out of their life savings. The deceased marriage mate who ends up on the television show Forensic Files because their partner slowly poisoned them to death so that they could be with their new lover. The potential marriage partner that gets away because we fell for style and beauty over substance.
The list is endless.
One of the worst is that when we were young and free, approached what at the time seemed like a seemingly obscure life intersection and had a very important decision to make complete with multiple options.
We could take a risk and pick an unstable but exhilarating career choice that we love or one that pays well, is more secure and we can tolerate it, but don’t remotely love it.
Years later it becomes crystal and painfully clear that we made the wrong choice especially when we settled.
Taking a risk for what you love rarely results in regret.
There are of course other scenarios even more devastating.
The one thing that they all have in common is that they are life altering and we wish upon wish that something like that mistake or a similar one doesn’t become our life story.
But sometimes it does.
What is the one quality that we can develop that can help us navigate through these sometimes obscure and treacherous waters?
Discernment.
When it comes to this at times difficult quality to sharpen, one of the most common boulders on the path is that the stones that are strewn in such a way that it’s hard to judge how to make the right decision on whether to remove them or go around.
Stones on the pathway? If only life could be so easy.
It is the minds, hearts and motives of others in our lives that can prove to be the most cleverly clouded that makes discerning what they really want from us so very hard.
In a March 31, 2018 article at Psychology Today, Mr. Stephen Sideroff PH.D sheds some light on the subject and adds another key word that can assist our discerning process. “It’s a common phrase we have all used: “I trust my intuition” as we settle on a decision, or an action. Intuition is a powerful aid in our discernment and decision making.”
The challenge with using our intuition is that sometimes it gets sharpened through bad experiences.
That can be a very tough teacher. We would love to avoid that school if we can.
We know of someone in our circle who was born and raised in a small town around people who were honorable and straight forward.
He wasn’t used to being around treacherous people with a soft smile. He didn’t think in treacherous terms and felt taking advantage of others is very cowardly. That sounds nice but it also made him very susceptible to being taking advantage by others who do think selfishly.
It took him a few extremely bad and devastating experiences before he wised up as to how to discern the smoke and mirrors from the sincere.
We so often love to turn to film and watch their cautionary tales, popcorn in hand, from the safety of our living room on the big screen television.
It is so wonderful.
You can learn from other people’s experiences without risk to self.
What could be better?
Recently we saw a penetrating film that spoke very clearly to the need to be discerning.
Among many things that the Aussies do well is to spin a yarn laced with dark threads and embroidery.
The title of the film is Bad Girl.
Providing us with the story’s synopsis, imdb.com explains, “Bad girl Amy, 17, is given one last chance by her adoptive parents, who think Amy’s friendship with local girl Chloe is a step in the right direction. But when Amy discovers Chloe’s secret she finds herself fighting for her life, and for the future of the family she herself tried to destroy.”
Amy is played by Sara West and Chloe by Samara Weaving.
The film previously won the Best Film at the Annual Western Australian Screen Awards.
Initially it appears that Chloe is just what Sara needs if only she would stop erecting bad girl barriers. Soon we find out that the doe eyed beautiful sweet faced blonde Chloe is not who she appears to be.
Literally.
Hopefully the parents will discern this in time before it’s too late.
Though this enthralling thriller was shot in Australia, it does have its roots firmly planted in America, even if unknowingly so.
The Bad Seed is a 1956 American psychological horror–thriller film with elements of melodrama and film noir, directed by Mervyn LeRoy and starring Nancy Kelly, Patty McCormack, Henry Jones, and Eileen Heckart.
The film is based upon the 1954 play of the same name by Maxwell Anderson, which in turn is based upon William March‘s 1954 novel.
The storyline here begins with Kenneth and Christine Penmark doting on their eight-year-old daughter, Rhoda. Soon Mr. Penmark has to leave for military duty.
Initial impressions overwhelmingly indicate that she is a beautiful sweet blonde girl.
Until people begin to die.
For 1956, this was cutting edge.
The reviewer at rottentomatoes.com summarizes, “Young Patty McCormack received an Oscar nomination for her performance as a murderous child in this chilling dramatic horror classic. Shocking at the time of its release in 1956, The Bad Seed remains unsettling to this day as a single mother discovers that within her seemingly angelic daughter beats the heart of a cold-blooded serial murderer.”
Ouch.
The foundation for being discerning is to use your intuition to look for early signs. Be patient. Don’t always take things face value.
Most important, be aware that we all have a tendency to desperately see what we want to see.
The new lover is EVERYTHIG that your previous one wasn’t.
Hardly.
In time you will eventually find that out.
Accept that the heart of the human being often times can be very selfish and treacherous with a smile.
Nothing speaks better to sharing thoughts with others than personal experience.
In our experience publishing Femcompetitor Magazine, we’re increasingly receiving emails regarding collaboration which eventually almost always turns into, I want what I want but I’m not going to give you what you want.
Translation?
I think you are weak and can be beguiled.
Seriously.
Do you want to know what the biggest red flag is?
Extensive compliments.
In our earlier example of our friend from a small town, that is what he revealed happened to him over and over. He initially bought into the extensive compliments.
They hid the selfish behavior that lurked within until later they received their opening and stung him big. Usually regarding money. Even his own Tax Attorney that he knew for six years and thought they were friends.
When it came to her staking out his money, he found out differently.
Typically when people in your social or business setting truly think highly of you, they tend to be a little jealous and restrained in their praise. Even subtly insulting you to tear you down to size.
In an odd way, jealously is one of the highest compliments.
In your personal life, unfortunately through bad experiences, you develop markers and tell signs.
That’s good. Pass it on to the young you care about.
Here is our marker.
In our experience, when people excessively flatter you, they think that you are foolish enough to buy into the horse crap covered in sugary icing.
Underneath its still horse crap.
We can’t say over and over enough how this plays out, so one of the things we have learned to do is smile and listen to the flattery but always, always ask for something in return.
Even if you don’t need it.
That’s right. We’ll say that once again.
Ask for something in return even if you don’t need it.
Guess what happens?
They quietly go away. They want to take everything but give virtually nothing in return.
A sign of low self-esteem is to give and give without asking for anything substantial back in return.
We always ask.
With a discerning smile.
We strongly suggest that you should too.
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OPENING PHOTO pexels.com pixabay.com photo
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/path-optimal-living/201803/should-you-trust-your-intuition
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3598108/plotsummary?ref_=tt_ov_pl
https://soperth.com.au/review-australian-movie-bad-girl-16672
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bad_Seed_(1956_film)
https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1001572_bad_seed
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discernment
