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July 8, 2022,
It started as a dream and you believed in it so much that you started to make plans.
You were confident your plan would work, but it didn’t.
One year.
Two years.
Three years.
Four years.
Things have not worked out as you hoped. Give up? Good question, but still, perhaps premature.
Question for you.
How do you cope when your all-important plans are not working out?
The experts at Psychology today share some thoughts, “Making plans is important, but our gut reaction is to plan for the best-case outcomes, ignoring the high likelihood that things will go wrong.”
Intriguing.
Whatever happened to the “failing to plan is planning to fail” theory?
Their writer adds that failing to plan for problems is planning to fail.
Therefore, since problems will arise, it is better to plan for contingencies.
So much of that is true. Look at the major categories of life in terms of making plans.
Family.
Have all of your plans regarding finding the right lifelong partner worked out?
Up to this point, if it has not, what are your contingency plans?
Hard as it may be to accept, you may never get married.
So what then?
Perhaps you may need to make backup plans for the life you desire, if you don’t find the love of your life.
Let’s say you do find the love of your life and blissfully wed. Good for you. Do you desire children?
What if you are unable to conceive? Time for contingency plans. Are you open to adoption? Will pets fulfill your family needs?
Whatever the case, if Plan A does not work out, perhaps plan for B.
Time to lighten up a little.
One of the areas where we see plans go massively awry is professional sports. In the NFL, every team wants to go to the Super Bowl. Especially the one in Dallas. They talk about it a lot.
Then they talk about it some more.
Then they talk about it again, but how many times have they been there, in say, the last 20 years?
Zero.
Zippo.
Remember this event?
The 68th Academy Awards, hosted by Whoopi Goldberg, are held at Dorothy Chandler Pavilion in Los Angeles, with Mel Gibson‘s Braveheart winning five awards out of ten nominations, including Best Picture and Best Director. The telecast garners over 44.8 million viewers.
Fantastic.
The year was 1996.
Braveheart was the “it” film. That feels like 20,000,000 kilts ago.
That was before Mel Gibson started talking to a Beaver. Puppet that is. He found in a dumpster.
1996 was a great year for the Dallas Cowboys.
The Cowboys defeated the Steelers by the score of 27–17.
That is the last time that things mostly went as planned for the Dallas Cowboys.
They have been making contingency plans ever since.
As for the rest of us, can we ever concede that a major hope or dream will not come true?
Can we concede a loss? That is extremely hard. Especially if we have rarely or never failed before. At what point should you give up?
For example, if you are losing money fixing up a rental house and you are losing thousands, at what point do you cut your loses?
Don’t get us wrong. There are some things in life that you should never give up on. Especially if life is virtually meaningless without it. Like your marriage. Keep working on it because the alternative to it failing, could be unbearable.
Other times, conceding it is over can open up your mind to new opportunities that lie in front of you so that you don’t remain stuck in the past.
Time for another point of view.
We feel that it is important to have a number of plans to help ensure that your life goes the way you desire.
Having said that, though rare, sometimes you need to move on, but whatever you do, don’t quit without giving your contingency plans a full go.
Again, if your main plan does not work out, don’t give up until every contingency plan is exhausted.
All of them.
Don’t give up so easily.
Especially if you can’t imagine life without your dream.
Time for another point of view from a visiting female writer.
Annette Colby is the author of two books including the award winning Your Highest Potential: The New Psychology of Understanding and Working with Self and recently released Body Redesign: Goal Setting Secrets to a Thinner, Happier You.
Six Powerful Steps to Help You Cope With Disappointment
On your journey through life, you will undoubtedly face disappointment, both large and small. In fact, the more you aspire to step into a greater life, the greater the risk you face of being disappointed. However, it’s how you deal with it that counts. Disappointment can build character and patience when allowed to do so. It can teach you to learn from your setbacks, accept life with all its unanticipated disappointments, and come out the other side stronger.
Below are six powerful steps to help you cope with disappointment.
Step 1: Acknowledge Your Automatic Coping Actions
Disappointment is a very difficult experience to endure. It’s very easy to perceive disappointment as an unalterable failure. Disappointment can feel so overwhelmingly bad that your first automatic reaction might be to soothe yourself with some old tried and true coping strategy. Perhaps you find yourself overeating ice cream for comfort, going to bed to escape life, or drinking away your disappointment. Falling into an old comfort habit is fine, but it’s not fine to remain there.
When you realize what you have done, let yourself know that it is okay that you checked out for a while. You’re back now. And just because you overate or indulged yourself in a numbing or avoidance action, doesn’t mean your disappointment is gone. It’s still there inside of you, waiting for you to process it in an appropriate manner. When the effect of your coping strategy starts to wear off, take a deep breath and deal with your disappointment in positive, new ways.
Step 2: Acknowledge What You Feel
To move through your disappointment, begin from where you are. Whatever you are feeling is your starting place. Disappointment is a rotten sensation and if you are in an emotional uproar, that is acceptable. You feel what you feel. There’s no need to be nice, or quiet, or suppressed. Instead of numbing out or avoiding what is real, express your pain. Cry if you want to cry, cuss at the unfairness of your situation, scream at the top of your lungs, beat a pillow, or write a raging letter about your disappointment. The point is not to blame, punish, or dump your feelings on anyone. Your purpose is to be honest with yourself about what you are feeling. If you feel hate, bitterness, self-pity, helplessness, or even desire revenge, then that is what you feel. Express yourself to yourself, get it out into the open, then move on to the next step.
Step 3: Put Things into Perspective
At first, your disappointment can feel like the end of the world. It’s not easy to accept that you’ve worked hard to attain a certain outcome and now you face disappointment. Let yourself know that while your disappointment feels bad, this kind of thing happens to everyone in life. You are not being singled out or punished. Remind yourself that disappointments won’t last forever. The sun will shine again, tomorrow will come, and soon you will feel better again.
Step 4: Dissolve Doubt
When experiencing disappointment, it can be easy to slip into doubt. You may automatically find yourself engaged in limited thinking, and feel yourself wanting to give up. Become aware of what beliefs rise to the surface as you face your disappointment. Here are a few examples:
- I can never have what I want.
- It was stupid of me to even try.
- There wasn’t really much chance of success in the first place.
- My best is never good enough.
- Poor me, why does something like this always happen to me.
- I’m being punished.
The benefit of facing disappointment in a new way is that you allow yourself to become consciously aware of what you believe deep down inside of you about your life, your self, and your abilities to succeed. Once you can recognize your limiting beliefs, you can take steps to begin releasing those beliefs and building new self-empowering beliefs.
Step 5: Take Three Deep Breaths
Often, our first response is to analyze what went wrong and then try to fix the disappointment. We begin to obsess about the disappointment, telling ourselves repeatedly, “I’m so disappointed. What can I do?” We go over the situation repeatedly looking for a way to make it right, or for someone to blame. Notice how trying to fix the situation makes you feel tight, anxious, and fearful.
There is another option. When you are feeling disappointment, take three deep breaths and go into yourself. Allow your mind and body to relax and calm down. Release some of your tension. Now, as you consider your disappointment, say the words, “There’s a positive lining to this disappointment and I’m sure something good is coming from this experience.” Don’t try to hide from your disappointment, but find ways to extract value from your experience. Notice that by breathing and relaxing a little, you begin to open to new possibilities along with new hope.
What you say to yourself during your disappointment can make all the difference. I’m not suggesting sugar-coated affirmations here. There is nothing worse than affirming, “I am blissful, content and serene” when you are anything but.
Step 6: Talk to You
Now more than ever, you need a friend to listen to your situation and to support you through this difficult time. That friend needs to be you. Go to the nearest mirror and talk to yourself. Tell your story, state out loud how you feel, and then encourage yourself. Tell yourself, “I can make it through this.” Your words can help connect you to your spirit, your confidence, and your source of new possibilities. In case you are out of practice with your self-encouragement, here are some empowering statements that can lift your spirits:
- I know that I’ll feel better soon.
- I’ve gotten through disappointment before. I know I’ll get through this.
- I’m going to be open to the silver lining hidden within this disappointment.
- Good will come out of this situation. I choose to be patient as it unfolds.
- I don’t know exactly what to do right now, but I know that I will make the right choices.
- I have choice over my feelings and right now, I choose to breathe more deeply into my peace, not my fear.
Remember, it takes courage to leave the rut of disappointment. Don’t quit yet. Use the steps above to discover the tremendous capacity within you to rise above and beyond your disappointment and reach success.
Dr. Annette Colby, RD can help you take the pain out of life, turn difficult emotions into joy, release stress, end emotional eating, and move beyond depression into an extraordinary life! Annette is the author of Your Highest Potential
Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Annette_Colby/5723
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/1030016
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https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/intentional-insights/201911/why-you-shouldnt-make-plans
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