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October 2, 2023,
It is an emotion that we cannot escape in this life.
If it were a pill, most of us would probably avoid taking it.
In fact, we often take pills to lessen it. Hopefully eliminate it.
But, it comes into our life anyway.
Can sadness ever be good for us?
To many of us, it sure doesn’t feel good.
Before we answer the question, can sadness be good for us, as we often like to do, because we feel it can be beneficial, is share our real life experiences with you and then make comparisons with film or books.
One of our associates, who we will call Ben, remembers when he riding the bus to his junior high school, one blustery sunny day, he looked out the window and saw this beautiful blonde high school girl, walking up the stairs to her two story home and the wind blew her dress upwards, Marilyn Monroe style, and he saw her panties.
He was instantly mesmerized by her.
Never ever would he forget that moment.
Later, when he was a senior at the same high school, he met a 14 year old girl with strawberry blonde hair who was interested in him. They briefly became friends and one day she invited him over to her house. He came but because of her age and other factors, he made a decision not to get romantically involved with her. He soothed himself that it was the right decision.
He stopped seeing her.
She was offended.
Then later, on a blustery day, after he graduated from high school and was driving home from work, had become very popular with teenage girls his age, he saw this beautiful blonde haired girl walking with two other girls.
She looked familiar.
As she got closer, he recognized her.
It was the beautiful strawberry blonde 14 year girl that he ended his friendship with, only she wasn’t 14 now. She had blossomed into a gorgeous mature looking 16 year old teenage girl.
The wind blew her skirt up and he saw her panties as she used her left arm to push her skirt down, kept talking to the two other girls, turned the corner and he never saw her again in his life.
Why didn’t he see her again?
It was too painful.
Too sad.
He couldn’t take it, so he never drove that way, at that time, ever again. He took a different route home.
The pain was too much.
It, by far, was the saddest, saddest day, when he was young.
That type of sadness and the depth of it was too overwhelming for him.
How about you?
What experiences have made you feel deeply sad in the past?
Let’s turn to film.
Over the years, there have been a number of extremely sad films we have watched. Here are a few.
Onegin, starring the exceptional Ralph Fiennes and Liv Tyler, in one of her best honest portrayals of a Russian country girl lacking in worldly experience but wise beyond her years. This is the ultimate story of love lost. The ending scene is devastating.
A Summer Story, a 1988 classic about people from two cast systems who find a love they will never find again and one squanders it.
The Heiress, starring the legendary Olivia de Havilland and Montgomery Cliff, where the two initially could have made a brilliant trade in marriage, his looks and sophistication for her money and societal standing. In terms of betrayal, what he does to her is hard to watch.
Let’s turn to television. In particular, the Star Trek series.
Star Trek the Next Generation’s sad and moving episode, Galaxy’s Child features Geordi La Forge finally meeting Doctor Leah Brahms, a woman he fell in love with on the Holodeck, only to find out in real life, why they can never be together.
We’ll conclude with perhaps the saddest of them all, Star Trek Voyager’s episode “Real Life” where Robert Picardo, as the Hologram Doctor, creates a family in the Holodeck, to experience a real family and boy does he. So much so that he doesn’t want to return to the Holodeck to finish it, but has to.
So, after all of that, why do we find sadness, as painful as it is, an extremely beneficial human emotion?
It is the life lessons that it teaches.
What are some of them?
When you find true mutual love, you need to do everything you can to do the right thing and hold on to it. Cast system or not. Money or not. Most of the time in life, you will never ever find it again.
Here is another.
Appreciation of the moments and the passing of time.
When someone you love passes, it places greater emphasis on appreciating the people that you love and care for right now.
Going to weddings and funerals emphasizes the importance of right now. Of missed opportunities, that if life is kind enough to give you a second chance, you won’t squander it.
Let’s get another point of view.
The team at psychologytoday.com educate, “Sadness is a live emotion that can serve to remind us of what matters to us, what gives our life meaning.”
Sadness is not depression. They are very different emotions. Sadness usually is temporary and reflective. Depression can be paralyzing and long-term. At times it is an unhealthy, non-adaptive reaction to a painful occurrence.
In our original real life story with Ben, what saddened him the most with the 14 year old girl, that he lost, was that he had his dream girl in his hands and he let her go for the wrong reasons. Eventually he would find out it had nothing to do with her age but more about his lack of courage. What he felt for her, he would never feel again in his entire life.
Love cannot be manufactured.
So, when you experience something that makes you sad, try and reflect upon it with a learning eye and realize that sadness teaches us valuable lessons and should be temporary. Whatever you do?
Don’t run away from it.
~ ~ ~
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https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201507/the-value-sadness
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