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August 14, 2023,
Hard to do, is an understatement.
Really hard to do, is getting closer.
Extremely hard to do, now you are at least warm.
Accepting what is permanent.
There is this theory that pain is an in evitable part of life. Suffering is not accepting the pain. The more we accept the pain, the less we suffer.
We can live with that theory?
On a topic like this, as we often do, we like to share our real life experiences.
It has to do with accepting what you cannot change.
Our associate’s name is Tammy.
This is a true story. It goes beyond being based upon true events. It is very true. All of it.
As a teen, Tammy got off to a great start. She convinced her parents to sign a consent form so that she could begin working at 15. She worked so hard, she paid cash for her high school car and eventually her college education. She envisioned a great career and a bright future of success.
Then she joined the organized religion that we were once a part of and met her future husband there.
After spending time with him, she made a decision not to marry him.
Then a very odd turn of events occurred.
We won’t go into great detail here, but we have heard the story thoroughly and agree with her. It was as though the spirit realm over turned her decision and with at least two coincidences, pushed her towards marrying her future husband.
It was by far the second worst mistake of her life.
The first was to accept a job and not use her college degree to pursue a real career so she could spend more time volunteering for this international religious organization.
Two whoppers.
Eventually her husband would do something very wicked that helped destroy much of her retirement.
Now older, her life fairly set.
By her standards, Tammy’s life is a failure.
She has also come to believe that young people should never accept failure or their current unfortunate situation because they have so much time to do something about it.
Older ones do not have that option. And even if they did?
It wouldn’t really matter because the people that they (she) wanted to impress are gone or dead.
In her community, with the breakup of her marriage and severe public financial losses, most of the people that she once knew, friend and foe, see Tammy’s life as a cautionary tale. Not one to imitate.
A failure.
That book is closed.
So, even if Tammy made a lot of money, recouped her losses and even exceeded them, who cares?
Again, who gives a darn?
Her parents are deceased. Their last vision of Tammy is that she failed. Like many older people, Tammy lives in a world where she is mostly invisible. No one cares who she is or what she is doing.
She worked out at a gym for over a year, has now relocated to a new one and nobody cares. It was like she was never there. So much of her life as an older person is like that.
Does Tammy bear responsibility on how her life turned out? Of course, but along the way, it was those early decisions that literally derailed her once spectacular life and she never got it back on track.
Which brings us to acceptance.
Tammy has fully accepted her failure. She notes that, one of the signs that someone has not accepted the major failures they cannot change, is when they try and prove their worth to people they once knew. They try and live their life like they have something to prove.
Tammy doesn’t do that.
One of the things Tammy is doing is closing out her life.
She learned a huge lesson from closing out her parent’s life. They were wildly successful, did extremely well in real estate and were the envy of their relatives and family community. Having said that, they didn’t plan very well for death. So, she and her sibling spent an incredible amount of time cleaning out their large home and many of their cherished items had to be thrown away.
Tammy is throwing much away right now. She doesn’t want to burden her adult children when she passes.
We asked her, has she given up on life?
She stated she hasn’t. After all, she works with FCI and is a passionate writer.
What she has accepted, and not given up on, is that being a success within her previous circle of influence was extremely important to her. She has accepted her final view, in their eyes, about her very public failures and won’t try and change that.
She has accepted that she must take the position that she has nothing to prove, even to herself.
Why?
She goes back to that cruel spirit world decision when she was young.
She made the right decision not to marry her husband. Call it fate if you want, but twice, her decision was overruled and her life was never the same.
Tammy feels that people invest way too much emotion in this earthly life when they are not remotely in control of much of it.
Earthquakes, floods, massive fires, nuclear disasters, tornadoes that destroy one house and don’t touch another one, along with extremely bad fate. As human beings, we have absolutely no control over those things. Then there is something even more important.
We did not create the earth.
We are renters. We can be kicked out at any time.
Why be so invested in this life?
For some people, so many things seem to go well.
Because Tammy met her husband, a friend and associate met a wonderful future husband who had a connection to Tammy’s husband. Had Tammy’s original decision gone through, which was in Tammy’s best interest, and she detoured away from her future husband, her friend never ever would have met her dream husband. That couple raised beautiful children and are married to this day. Tammy never comes near them because she is too embarrassed and ashamed.
So, Tammy pursues what is important to her in moderation.
We work with her, so we know that she is a passionate person, but emotionally, she is not invested.
We agree with her, that at this stage of her life, she has to accept how people may feel about her. It is very hard, especially before she started reading the Bible and supposedly being led by the creator, whoever that might be, since no one really knows; that she had one stellar resume as a teen and a completely horrible one as an adult, supposedly with more guidance and wisdom.
What is the cautionary tale here?
Tammy did not know what she wanted when she was young.
Otherwise she would have resisted fate and forged her own path.
If you are a young person reading this, very early in your life, try and figure out what you really want and be steadfast in pursing it. Whatever you do, as Tammy learned the very cruel and hard way, don’t leave it to fate.
You can never get your youth back.
So, Tammy functions, is positive, is shedding her old existence and is assertively pursuing new goals.
The difference is, now, as opposed to when she was young, she tempers her emotional investment in things she cannot control.
That is her definition of acceptance.
~ ~ ~
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