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Criticism, no matter how diplomatically and softly melted from the lips of your examiner, most often will be viewed as a veiled insult or attack.
Is there really such a thing as constructive criticism?
Sure, when you are giving it but not when someone else is.
If you are a parent, isn’t it necessary to criticize inappropriate behavior from your children and then offer suggestions for improvement? Employers, supervisors and managers need to do this as well. True?
It is not like we can escape from expressing criticisms if our role or job calls for it.
The tricky part about criticism is that at times it is hard to tell when it truly is well meaning as opposed to strategic, insulting or distributed with the intention to harm.
Criticism can be described as the expression of disapproval of someone or something based on perceived faults or mistakes. Another definition is the analysis and judgment of the merits and faults of another person’s behavior or work.
We’ve evolved to understand that at various times in our lives, we truly need to hear criticism.
How can an entrepreneur improve their product or service if they are not willing to listen to criticism from their customers?
The euphemism is called feedback. That’s okay. Same thing.
Having said that, what most of us prefer is constructive criticism to well, just plain criticism.
What is the difference?
Constructive criticism is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others, usually involving both positive and negative comments, in a friendly manner rather than an oppositional one.
Very important, usually it is done privately, not in front of others, even if they are friends.
What we want to achieve here is to focus on how we can receive criticism in a good spirit and discern the difference between attacks and helpful suggestions.
In life, real improvement is almost always about self.
Mr. Clifford N. Lazarus Ph.D. offered a believable and palatable suggestion in an October 29, 2011 article titled The Art of Constructive Criticism at Psychology Today. He speaks of the Sandwich Method. “Another technique of constructive criticism is called the “sandwich method” in which one sandwiches the meat of a criticism between two positive comments.
Hence, instead of saying “You did a lousy job writing this report,” using the sandwich method one could say “You did a great job on the introduction, but the middle section and conclusion seem a little weak. With a bit more work, I’m sure you can tighten it up into a really good report as you virtually always do.”
Yes, that approach would be a little easier to digest.
Too, it may depend upon how often the same person offers criticism to you of any kind thus if it is persistently given, no matter how they sandwich it, you probably won’t like it and will question their true motives.
Now if they have been persistent in asking you to analyze their behavior and offer constructive criticism, that behavior alone would make their suggestions more credible.
If it is offered miles apart or you actually have asked for suggestions to improve, then constructive criticism can be taken in the right spirit to be analyzed.
Too, it becomes more acceptable if others who don’t have an axe to grind with you are suggesting the same concerns.
The National Football League is such a popular American pastime that there is a massive industry of “Analysts” whose sole existence appears to be based upon criticizing players, coaches and the team’s ownership, all of the time, every single show.
They do this so often that even after a coach has had years of winning and successful seasons, heaven forbid if they lose a few games in a row or miss the playoffs they are described as being on the hot seat.
In all fairness, sometimes it is warranted.
As of this December 2018 writing, there have been two coaching changes in the NFL that have effected substantial changes on the fortunes of the Los Angeles Rams and Cleveland Browns.
You are what your record says you are so previously when the former coaches were eventually fired and the two teams started winning, it is hard to argue about the criticisms leveled at them.
“The final proof of greatness lies in being able to endure criticism without resentment.”…Elbert Hubbard
For us, we are in different circumstances but at times even if we are in positions of authority, like being a parent or a partner in a marriage or important relationship, when we receive criticism in the form of a soft tasty sandwich, rarely given, do we at least stop for a moment and analyze what was just stated or suggested or do we immediately dismiss it as an attack?
Why is it important to be open to and at times even solicit criticism?
We suspect that we all know the answer to that question, which is to improve, but sometimes it is nice to get independent confirmation.
In her October 14, 2013 article titled The Art of Constructive Self-Criticism, Ms. Juliana Breines Ph.D. in some ways echoes what we’ve been thinking. Accepting constructive criticism is about improving one’s own life.
She adds, “Especially for people who are prone to shame, self-compassion can be exactly what is needed to make self-criticism bearable. Self-compassion means saying, yes, I messed up, but this doesn’t make me a horrible person. This makes me a person who has strengths and weaknesses and room to improve. In this atmosphere of warmth, taking a closer look at those weaknesses is not as scary.”
Very good advice.
Don’t beat yourself up but privately examine the areas where you feel there may be some truth in what is being expressed about you.
A man who constantly found himself in life or death situations, the epitome of numerous scenarios where constructive criticism from others is not only warranted but absolutely necessary.
Sir Winston Churchill (November 30, 1874 – January 24, 1965) was a British politician, statesman, army officer, and writer, who was Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from 1940 to 1945 and again from 1951 to 1955. As Prime Minister, Churchill led Britain to victory in the Second World War.
Widely considered one of the 20th century’s most significant figures, Mr. Churchill remains popular in the United Kingdom and Western world, where he is seen as a victorious wartime leader who played an important role in defending democracy from the spread of fascism.
He was once quoted as expressing, “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.”
In our experience, if you decide to seek out constructive criticism, seek out a friend or a successful person in human relations that you respect.
Sometimes a very close friend is not a good idea because they are too afraid to tell you the truth for fear of losing your friendship.
Seek out an associate that can’t hurt you at work, but doesn’t have a dog in the fight in terms of your success or failure.
We found that a relative who visited for a period of time, had a chance to see you in your natural setting and is about to leave and is a person who you probably won’t see for months to years is ideal.
Make it clear to them that no matter how painful it is what they are about to say, you will not interrupt them or hold it against them. Emphasize that you are seeking this advice and analysis to improve your situation and need their help.
Emphasize that they are doing you a big favor.
Then, once again for repetition, be quiet and listen. Do not interrupt. Even once. Don’t justify, clarify or explain.
Just quietly listen. Please.
It may not happen right away but over time you will see the wisdom in some, most or all of what they have said and after applying what was learned you will experience something profound, empowering and beautiful.
What might that be?
Long-term true self-improvement.
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https://www.definitions.net/definition/CONSTRUCTIVE+CRITICISM
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-well/201110/the-art-constructive-criticism
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-love-and-war/201310/the-art-constructive-self-criticism
https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/criticism
