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February 24, 2022,
You received a wedding invitation.
Who from? Does it matter?
You should be happy.
Often you are not.
Check that.
Most times you are not. Especially if you have never sent out an invitation like that yourself.
About your new life that is soon to begin.
With someone wonderful.
There is virtually nothing in life, that is a major division in time, of who you are now, in contrast to who you and your teen friends once were, and who you are about to become, than a wedding invitation.
Whatever attraction you had for person A, was often swirling around in your mind. The possibilities are there. You might bump into each other again. Sparks might rekindle.
It is when you receive their wedding invitation, first or second hand, you finally come to the realization that it is over.
Sometimes the most challenging part is when you have to come back home to attend it.
Their wedding that is.
If they moved away to another city, landed a job, met someone that they want to spend the rest of their lives with and invite you to share in their joyous moment; then that is not too bad. Why?
Because you can decide not to attend and few would be the wiser.
On the other hand, if they are getting married in your home town, besides your own relatives and former high school friends, if you don’t attend, they may wonder and ask you why not.
Why not?
Because if you are not married, with no real prospects of, it may force you to ask yourself why not.
Most of us have been through this.
If you come back, you might feel like a left over or someone incapable of finding someone because now well-wishers or frustrated parents try and pair you up with someone.
That has got to be the worst.
Usually it is someone you are not remotely interested in and the awkward moments abound.
More uncomfortable situations rise up.
Back to the invitation.
Heaven forbid it is not someone you once had a hot romance with but they chose someone else over you and that someone else is very aware of it and gently lets you know that.
Here it comes.
The question. How are you doing? No really, how are you really doing?
Now, if you are having great career success in another big city, upon your return, dress business sharp and spend time talking about how busy you are with your career and you haven’t found the right someone, having said that, you date a lot of successful gorgeous people, all of the time.
Smile. Sip your drip, but please don’t get drunk. Drip, drip.
Become drunk?
You will only confirm any negative images about you. Look across the room and then tell the annoying questioner you want to say hello to another imaginary attendee and depart.
Mercifully.
Coming home after a wedding of a friend, sibling or the once cherished can be excruciating.
In a May, 2017 article, psychologytoday.com shares, “Being in a relationship labels us socially: We look desired if we are partnered and unwanted if we are single. Especially for women. That can lead to very unhealthy thoughts about our current value and future prospects.”
By comparison, if you leave a company, organized religion (as we did) or club, it isn’t so bad because there is a reason that you are leaving. Often not good.
It’s just good to go.
It is not like you are leaving for a promotion, and if you are, you are leaving for a new life. One better than the one you had and now your circle of association and influence will be different.
Frequently you are leaving because you are tired of them or they of you and it is time to permanently part ways.
There will be no reunions.
Weddings are different. They are personal. They force us to reflect on where we are right now, which if we haven’t reached Nirvana, can be very sobering.
Shall we turn to film to give you an example? We often do.
The most painful one for us to watch was the beautiful girl next door Agnes Bruckner’s emotionally penetrating, There Is a New World Somewhere.
Yes there is, she just hadn’t found it yet.
When she (Sylvia) gets a wedding invitation to come back to Austin, Texas, to the wedding of a friend, who was someone that she really didn’t like, who was competitive with her in their younger days, but her best friend will also be there, who she does like and insists that she attend, boy could we relate to that one.
Back story?
Sylvia took a risk to leave Austin and all that goes with that and moved to the sophisticated Big Apple to pursue a career in Art. Very hipster stuff. Very, I’m better than you flatland hillbillies kind of stuff.
Hey? Know what?
Better be successful.
Sylvia wasn’t. In fact, she got fired.
Now she is back home, attending the pre-wedding ceremony and you could just soak in the feelings of failure and isolation on her face. If there was ever a person who wished she wasn’t here, it was Sylvia.
Then a mysterious handsome young stranger introduces himself to her and whisks her away on a road trip.
You need to watch this movie to see how it turns out.
We focus on Sylvia’s moment standing there in that garden patio, wishing she was anywhere but there and receiving the usual wedding arrows including being introduced to a successful young man who is attracted to her and would give her a financially secure life that she doesn’t want.
Have you been in those situations before?
Why did you leave that community? Your home town.
Did you find success in your new life?
If not, even if you could anonymously function on a daily basis in a life that didn’t turn out the way you had hoped, at least you don’t have to explain it to anyone.
Once you go back home, you do.
The good news is that if things didn’t turn out the way you wanted, now that you have finally come face to face with your situation, it raises an important question.
What in the world are you going to do about it?
If there is anything good that has come out of attending this excruciating nightmare in white satin is the call for self-reflection.
Don’t run away from it.
Is it time to re-invent yourself?
In our opinion?
Taking up a well-meaning wedding attendee’s invitation to pair you up with another person who is single or divorced is probably a bad idea. You will then move from a situation that you can change on your own into another situation that could become more desperate and far more complicated.
Get their phone number, certainly, maybe even date them for a while, but deal with your situation first.
Most of us, say by the age of thirty, have had at least one opportunity to pursue a serious relationship that could lead to marriage.
There is a reason why we didn’t. You didn’t.
Find out why.
Whether you make a decision to come home to possibly walk into a painful question filled scenario is up to you.
You may not. That’s fine.
The key is, don’t avoid privately asking yourself the questions that would inevitably come up back home.
You may be unmarried for a good reason. Or in all fairness, a questionable one.
You may want to stay that way or change your situation.
After the wedding invitation?
This is a good time to find out which it will be.
~ ~ ~
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