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February 14, 2020,
True love after high school and college. Is it really possible?
We say yes, but we also sense, based upon our own true life experiences that it is very rare.
A friend in our circle related a story to us that when he was about 18, he was having a conversation with a slightly older male employee who was relating to him how he used to instantly fall in love with teenage girls.
Before, it could be something about her smile, her hair, her physical form or how she paid attention to him.
Once cupid’s arrow hit, he was instantly in love. For days, weeks, months and sometimes even years at a time.
Now?
He couldn’t fall in love to save his life.
Our friend remembers this conversation very well. Why?
Because he was experiencing the same exact thing.
He used to fall in love over the very same things that his fellow employee spoke of, but not anymore.
Both young men don’t appear to be alone.
When you look at marriage statistics in the United States, they are falling.
It seems less people are falling in love.
The Pew Research Center is a nonpartisan American think tank and also is sometimes referred to as a fact tank.
The organization is based in Washington, D.C.
It provides information on social issues, public opinion, and demographic trends shaping the United States and the world. It also conducts public opinion polling, demographic research, media content analysis, and other empirical social science research. The Pew Research Center does not take policy positions, and is a subsidiary of The Pew Charitable Trusts.
In their research on marriage, here is what they found:
- Half of Americans ages 18 and older were married in 2017, a share that has remained relatively stable in recent years but is down 8 percentage points since 1990.
- As the U.S. marriage rate has declined, divorce rates have increased among older Americans. In 2015, for every 1,000 married adults ages 50 and older, 10 had divorced – up from five in 1990. Among those ages 65 and older, the divorce rate roughly tripled since 1990.
This final statistic seems to be very telling.
- Being a good financial provider was seen as particularly important for men to be a good husband or partner, according to a 2017 survey by the Center. About seven-in-ten adults (71%) said it was very important for a man to be able to support a family financially to be a good husband or partner, while just 32% said the same for a woman to be a good wife or partner.
Ah, even though according to Pew, most people say love is the reason for getting married, the statistics are not bearing that out.
Financial prowess is a powerful elixir. Especially for women.
They tend to desire marrying a man who is financially their equal or better. Which is fine and that describes many things, but not remotely love.
That is becoming more challenging.
Approximately 38% of wives earn more than their husbands, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.
The team at marketwatch.com educated, “In fact, the risk of divorce is nearly 33% higher when a husband isn’t working full-time, according to “Money, Work, and Marital Stability: Assessing Change in the Gendered Determinants of Divorce,” a 2016 study of more than 6,300 couples by Alexandra Killewald, professor of sociology at Harvard University.”
In our experience when we turn to film, we’ve seen so many movies about beautiful young women falling in love with Prince Charming and Mr. Right.
What do those men typically have in common?
They are very wealthy.
Is that really about love? We know it is not.
Here are some of the lyrics to the legendary singer Tina Turner’s classic take on cupid’s arrow, What’s Love Got To Do With It?
What’s love got to do, got to do with it
What’s love but a second hand emotion
What’s love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken
Yes indeed, a second hand emotion after college and high school where couple is so often based upon job and economic status.
In the 2015 film, Fifty Shades of Grey, would Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) fall in love with the prominent businessman Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) if he were not prominent and stellar wealthy?
Say, for example, when she walked into his office, saw Christian Grey, though he was handsome, and wearing the same clothes, he turned out to be the Office Assistant, would she still fall in love with him?
We think not.
This can now lead to a very circular argument.
Well, some women might surmise, it is his business prowess and wealth who make him who he is. Yes she loves him for who he is internally because of his ability to ascend to that status.
Do you believe that?
Our answer?
Baloney.
In many cases men in that position inherited some or much of their wealth. So it wasn’t their skillsets that propelled them there at all.
Once you have the money, maybe not in all cases but we sense in most, it doesn’t remotely matter how you got as long as you have it.
In the classic Princess fairy tales where our heroine falls in love with the Prince, can you name many where the Prince is completely broke or out of a kingdom?
We can’t.
What’s love got to do with it indeed?
Now we don’t want to come across as too jaded because we do know of a man in our circle who fell in love with a beautiful younger woman who kept pursing him.
We say fell in love very cautiously.
What was the difference between him at middle age and high school in this area?
Now his love was conditional.
He had deep feelings for her but felt that she was toying around with him.
She loved the idea of him being in love with her but while she was attracted to him for his good boy male qualities of being financially stable, a good father and employee and all of those subjective components which can quickly change, it was eventually discovered that she was madly in love with a bad boy type who possessed little of those things.
Our friend decided to give her an ultimatum rather than let her endlessly lead him around with a ring in his nose and waste his time.
In high school, this charade would have gone on forever because he was emotionally in love with her, but not at middle age.
So can we really fall in love after high school or college?
We don’t think so. It is very rare.
But, sometimes in life you just have to accept the next best thing and convince yourself that you are happy.
And in love too.
A second hand emotion.
~ ~ ~
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https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/02/13/8-facts-about-love-and-marriage/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pew_Research_Center
https://fciwomenswrestling.com/
https://www.fcielitecompetitor.com/
