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April 5, 2023,
You’ve grown up, and while you can still seek advice from your parents, ultimately this decision is up to you.
Since your parents are from another generation, in a new era, all of their advice, though well-intentioned, may not apply.
May be behind the times.
Now that you are an adult, you have to decide what your personal boundaries are especially in your interactions with people.
A little confused?
Not surprising. So much of it is in a gray area.
Time for some examples.
First, a personal one. True story.
We knew of a situation where a prominent married male friend and the wife of another of our associates were friendly with one another. When she and her husband had a pool built in her back yard, she invited our married friend and his family over for a swim.
He agreed to come but never did.
Why not?
Because he was extremely attracted to her and didn’t want to see her in a bikini.
How would you behave in this situation if the married person inviting you in for a closer look, even if innocent, was someone that you were deeply attracted to?
Please don’t answer that out loud.
Again, the answer depends upon you and your personal boundaries.
So, let’s continue our examination of this intriguing subject through the study of film and we think you can see where this is going.
Do the characters tend to cross boundaries? Answer?
Why do you think they made the story into a movie?
First up is Man in the Moon.
The Man in the Moon is a 1991 American coming of age drama film directed by Robert Mulligan (in his final film) and is also Reese Witherspoon‘s film debut.
Mr. Mulligan (August 23, 1925 – December 20, 2008) was an American film and television director best known as the director of humanistic American dramas, including To Kill a Mockingbird (1962), Summer of ’42 (1971), The Other (1972), Same Time, Next Year (1978) and The Man in the Moon (1991).
The storyline goes, Maureen Trant (Emily Warfield) and her younger sibling Dani (Reese Witherspoon) share a strong connection, but local boy Court Foster (Jason London) threatens to throw their bond off balance.
How is their bond thrown off balance?
First Dani falls in love with the older boy (Court), wants to become romantically involved with him and due to her age he rebuffs her.
He later meets her older sister and they fall in love, much to the younger girl’s chagrin.
What was impressive about Court was that even though he was a minor and by law could have sex with 14 year old Dani who appears to want him to, he doesn’t.
Let’s not forget he had feelings for her too.
Good for him.
Why? It was a gray boundary that his personal conscience would not allow him to cross and we are certain that years later he will always feel good about that and respect himself for behaving that way with a girl who, some would say, even at 14 years old, is a child.
And here you thought that the characters in Hollywood films stray across boundaries for their own selfish pleasure. Maybe.
If you thought that, we are now going to appease you, only we’re going to travel to England to do that, then we’ll come back to America.
Bodyguard is a British television drama series, created and written by Jed Mercurio and produced by World Productions for the BBC. (ITV Studios Global Entertainment)
The six-part series stars Richard Madden and Keeley Hawes. The series began broadcasting on BBC One on August 26, 2018, achieving the highest viewing figures for a new BBC drama in the multichannel era and the highest BBC viewing figures since 2008.
Netflix agreed to a distribution deal to broadcast the show outside the United Kingdom and Ireland.
The series is set around the fictional character of Police Sergeant David Budd, a heroic British Army war-veteran suffering from PTSD, who is now working as a specialist protection officer for the Royalty and Specialist Protection Branch of London’s Metropolitan Police Service. He is assigned to protect the ambitious Home Secretary Julia Montague, whose politics stand for everything he despises.
As you might guess, they spend so much time together that he eventually feels that she’s not quite as much of an ice cold frigid witch as he originally thought she was and she comes to see that he is not a lower class simplistic tough guy flunky like she originally thought he was.
Ain’t love grand?
Now, about those boundaries.
Isn’t it his job to keep his feelings and emotions out of this detail especially given the constant threats on her life? Not only is it crossing a boundary to fraternize with the beautiful boss, it is against the rules as well.
Cover her yes, and have her back too, with her clothes on, not on top of her in bed with them off.
Though we are not from England, when his leadership admonished him to “Have her back, Ol’ Man”, we sense officer Bud misinterpreted that.
As the British might say, there seemed to be a breakdown in communication.
The end result of this boundary crossing? It doesn’t end well.
We forgot one little detail.
Officer Budd has a wife at home that he is trying to reconcile with along with two of his children he wants to be a good father to. Not sure that is how to do that.
Having said all of that, we really loved this intense and well written series. It is worth a look. We sense you will like it too.
We’re now going to walk over to the book store. Please come as well.
Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin – How to Recognize and Set Healthy Boundaries Paperback – March 1, 1994
By Anne Katherine (Author)
“Have you recently walked away from a date or a conversation feeling uncomfortable or violated? Are you looking for ways to set limits with your spouse, kids, parents, or boss? This essential guide to setting and respecting boundaries is for anyone wanting to better understand themselves and others.
Just as a cut in our skin causes pain and injury, a breach of any of our physical, emotional, or sexual boundaries can be very harmful to our bodies and minds. We may need help to heal from past boundary violations, respect the boundaries of those around us, and learn how to set healthy limits for the future, particularly if we have a history of trauma, unhealthy relationships, addiction, or adverse childhood experiences.
Drawing on decades of personal and professional experience as a therapist—as well as stories from others who have learned how to heal from serious boundary violations—Anne Katherine, MA, brings us an invaluable, foundational guide on the who, what, and why of boundaries. With nearly 100,000 copies sold, Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin has already helped thousands of readers stand up for themselves and nurture healthier relationships.”
Well, there you have it.
A personal experience.
Film experiences.
A helpful book.
All about recognizing your personal boundaries.
In the above personal experience, our friend played soccer in high school. He had an exceptional coach who admonished the young team, when you find yourself in trouble, kick the ball out (out of bounds).
Yes, when you have question marks about certain situations and what your personal boundaries are and perhaps should be?
Maybe it is best to opt out.
~ ~ ~
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bodyguard_(British_TV_series)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Man_in_the_Moon
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