Enjoying the view while standing at the top of the mountain with a special elation of achievement that only you can feel most likely has been the result of an unpredictable journey infused with at least five undesirable elements.

Fear.

Pain.

Ridicule.

Failure. More than once.

Rejection.

And most of all, pushing yourself to step outside of your long established comfort zone.

The ultimate prize is that you may attain something that you absolutely never would have attained by playing it safe while betraying and not fighting for your dreams.

You have a chance of becoming the epitome of who you can be before you leave this earth.

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There is a price to pay either way.

A film that perfectly fits that dreaded stamp of living a life of quiet desperation is Talhotblonde.

The plot of slow frustration and a life filled with disappointment thickens.

fciwomenswrestling.com article, Answers Productions photo credit

Wikipedia shares, “Thomas Montgomery (screen name: marinesniper), a 47-year-old married man, pleaded guilty to murdering his 22-year-old co-worker Brian Barrett (screen name: beefcake). The two men were involved in a love triangle with “Jessi,” who they thought to be an 18-year-old girl with the screen name ‘talhotblond’. While both men knew each other from work, neither had ever met “Jessi” in person.

In the beginning of their online relationship, Thomas presented himself as an 18-year-old man named “Tommy” who was in basic training and later deployed. His wife ended the deception when she discovered Thomas’ online relationship and wrote “Jessi,” letting her know that there was no “Tommy.” The two continued to chat, even after this.

It ultimately turned out however, that Thomas was not the only one that wasn’t being truthful about his identity. “Jessi” was a real person, but it was actually her mother, Mary Shieler, who was posing as her daughter, online. Jessi was unaware of her mother’s actions until after Barrett had been murdered and her mother’s role in the case became widely known.”

Ouch. Talk about April Fools in the wrong month.

What was so powerful about the film is Mr. Montgomery’s clear immersion into slow desperation.

He loved his wife but didn’t seem to find her beautiful. Long ago she was probably a safe choice that he settled for and grew to deeply love, but seemed to have no passion for her.

He cared deeply for his children but was willing to risk losing them to pursue a relationship with a teenager that he had never met before.

The key statement in our minds when once caught was how he expressed that the young girl made him feel alive and like a man, apparently instead of the obedient puppy that, in his mind, his wife had turned him into.

You could feel the depth of his pain working a monotonous job cutting pipes, living in a pedestrian house and doing this day in and day out for over two decades as life was passing him buy.

Instead of focusing on what might change his fortune and begin to take very real steps to work towards it, he seemed to prefer to distract and numb himself by playing poker with some of his work buddies.

Understandably it’s hard to step outside of your comfort zone and pursue risks when you have children in the home. Still, some do, as we have seen over and over on the venture capitalist investment show Shark Tank.

Most of the budding entrepreneurs who are risking it all have children in the home but are willing to take risks to fight for wealth, a better life for their family and a dream existence as the boss.

Sadly for Mr. Montgomery, in his mind, his desire for a better life would not come through the work of his own hands but through the attention of another.


There are very few films where someone plays it safe and gets virtually everything that they want but the movie A Promise defies the odds. Perhaps it defies reality as well.

Though mesmerizing as we found it, the critics detested it.

First the tale summary.

fciwomenswrestling.com article, Fidelite Films photo credit

In 1912 Germany, a freshly graduated engineer with modest origins, Friedrich Zeitz, becomes the right hand of aging tycoon Karl Hoffmeister. When Hoffmeister’s degrading health condition starts to confine him permanently to his house, Friedrich has to visit him at home to get briefed.

Thus Friedrich makes the acquaintance of Hoffmeister’s much younger wife Charlotte, a beautiful and reserved woman in her early 30s.

He immediately becomes enamored with her and struggles with his growing unrequited feelings for her, not realizing they are reciprocated.

Just as they disclose their mutual attraction towards one another, Friedrich has to leave the country to represent Hoffmeister overseas.

The outbreak of World War I keeps him away from Germany for a long time. Only after the end of the war and many years of separation are Friedrich and Charlotte able to reunite.

Here is what The Guardian critic Peter Bradshaw wrote about the film. “Here is an excruciating period drama of forbidden love from Patrice Leconte, starring Alan Rickman and Rebecca Hall. After a while, I didn’t know where to look. Anywhere but at the screen.”

Peter?

Please tell us what you really think.

Here is what we thought at Femcompetitor Magazine. “The film slowly and quietly draws you in similar to a Peter Weir classic without the music. The two potential young lovers seem ideal for one another. Even though he is attracted to her, she clearly is far more attracted to him.”

fciwomenswrestling.com article, Fidelite Films photo credit

This is where the rub comes in.

The young mother Lotte, played by the elegant Rebecca Hall, wants to have her cake and eat it too with silk gloves on.

She wants him passionately but she’s not willing to give up anything of real value to be with him.

Ultimately she finds out that her husband purposely brought the young apprentice there to be with her (a girl has got her needs) but once seeing their clear mutual attraction changes his mind and begins to sabotage the process.

When asked by Friedrich if she will travel overseas to leave her wealthy husband and permanently be together, she looks at him and essentially says in Victorian era English, “You’ve got tah be jive in? Don’t even think about it.”

You see, there is no way she is going to rough it with her young son in tow on a journey filled with second rate food, bugs, sea sickness, potential robbers and other thoroughly uncomfortable roughing it elements when she can live a life of luxury as a stay at home mom is luxurious Germany.

Ain’t love grand?

She agreed to wait for him and after her husband dies of natural causes, they can be together.

Why not wait for Mae West, born in 1893, to privately sing for them also?

Right.

The departure from reality is that all of this actually works for her.

Symbolically speaking, not only does she get her cake and eat it too, it’s spoon fed to her by Houdini (born in 1874).

Stated another way, she stays in her comfort zone and gets everything she wants without really risking anything.

So convenient, wonderfully told, but soooo not real.

In this life, over and over, our life experiences and research indicate to have even a possibility of getting everything that you want, you have to take risks.

This is why we admire many women in our comprehensive female grappling industry who have stepped outside of their comfort zones to expand their horizons in our great sport.

At Psychology Today they share, “If fulfilling our personal and professional potential is the reward for conquering resistance, then learning to step outside our comfort zones becomes a skill well worth acquiring.”

Well, that’s our thoughts on why you should evaluate your hopes and dreams and once defined, why you should be willing to take steps, make sacrifices and step outside of your comfort zone.


We have a visiting writer who seems to agree with our thinking but has a way of saying it so beautifully.

Please enjoy.

By Sherry Collier 

Five Tips: How to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

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You’ve heard it before, “move out of your comfort zone” is the familiar phrase spoken by many entrepreneurs, gurus and mentors. As a small business owner, I’ve come to appreciate the sage advice to move beyond my comfort zone in business, relationships, and life. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist working at a non-profit counseling center, I was quickly becoming disillusioned with the amount of time, emotional energy, and effort I was putting in as a counselor for an extremely low income.

I found myself longing to spend more time with my boys and husband but I had student loans, licensing fees and association dues to pay – so I continued to work for the non-profit counseling center. As I began to entertain the idea of going into private practice, I found all sorts of perfectly good reasons why I should not.

Eventually all the fears I felt about making the change was outweighed by the intense desire to move into my own office and practice Marriage and Family Therapy in my own unique way. I took my first step and sought an office to rent from another therapist by the hour. I began telling everyone I knew I was going into private practice and soon, I took on some clients. It felt so good to meet with clients in an office where I was in charge of how long the session would run, what specific treatment modality to use and what to charge for a session based upon the client’s needs. That was my first step outside my comfort zone.

Fast forwarding to the present moment, I now practice as a therapist and small business coach helping other healing practitioners and creative types start and grow the business of their dreams. Now that I’m working the way I have always wanted, it is an interesting phenomenon that I continue to find myself being lured into keeping things safe and comfortable. I have had to make a conscious effort to push myself beyond my comfort zone each and every day.

Here are 5 tips to help business owner’s step outside their comfort zone and into the adventure and success zone:

  1. Change your thoughts – Everyone struggles with limiting thought patterns from time to time, but because thoughts drive feelings and behavior, it is important to learn to harness those negative thoughts and replace them with more reality-based, positive thoughts. It is absolutely true that when we choose to pay attention to the positive aspects of life this thought pattern orients our mind-body system toward success-inviting behaviors.

Start by examining those pesky little “what if” questions that creep into our minds. Questions like, “What if I invest in this form of advertising and it doesn’t work?” “What if I open up my own office and can’t get enough business to pay the rent?” These are the kind of fear-based questions that will keep you in your comfort zone. Harness those questions and replace them with positive “what if” questions. “What if I wrote some articles about my area of expertise and find I really enjoy it?” “What if spoke at an association meeting and was able to communicate my passion about my work?”

  1. Move through fear with action. Use your fears to challenge yourself to new heights. The best antidote to fear is taking action. Take an adventurous approach to anything you fear. Are you afraid of calling that successful entrepreneur who might be able to help you out? Just do it – jot down a quick script, practice saying it out loud and then pick up that phone and call. Are you afraid to speak in front of groups? Perhaps you could join Toast Masters and learn how to speak in a group where everyone else is also learning. The crazy thing about fear is that it is an emotion that is rarely based in truth. Don’t let some distorted version of reality stop you from making gains, start taking actions and move through the fear.
  2. Picture yourself reaching that next level of success. The brain can more easily create new neural pathways when we engage as many of the senses as possible, so create a mental movie that is rich in details. What would it look like when you reach that major goal? What kinds of sights, smells, tastes and feelings will you experience once you reach that goal? Take a few 5 minute breaks throughout the day to relax with deep breaths and run your mental movie. The more you picture yourself accomplishing your goal, the more likely you are to move out of your comfort zone to create the new thoughts and behaviors needed to succeed.
  3. Take up a hobby or sport that moves you out of your comfort zone. Some entrepreneurs go sky-diving or wind-surfing – this allows them to experience the mind-body feeling state of doing something new and conquering fear. You do not necessarily need to take up a high-risk hobby or sport to move out of the comfort zone. You could try something as simple as hiking a little longer or higher than usual, taking a sculpting class, painting a picture without being concerned with the outcome or joining a community softball team.

The emotional and mental experience of trying a new hobby or sport will translate to an expanded vision for your business. It will make it easier to try new approaches, think new thoughts, and attempt new ways of doing business.

  1. Invest money into your business. When times are tight, our knee-jerk reaction is to tend to cut back on our marketing budget, research and development and new equipment or software. Instead of giving in to the temptation to slash growth-producing spending, find some savvy ways to invest in your business that will signal your own psyche that you are willing to put your money where your mouth is. This moves us out of our comfort zone by growing our faith in ourselves and in our business as well as putting some skin in the game.

Now, I have moved into yet another adventure zone – I’ve added small business coaching which has taken me out of the comfort zone of simply practicing Marriage and Family Therapy. Now people depend upon me to help them combine their talents, gifts and passion to create the business of their dreams.

An important part of this process is self-discovery. I use the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator to help people discover their unique personality traits so they can play up their strengths and find ways to work with their weaknesses. Their personality will determine, to some degree, how much risk they are willing to take, how good they are at taking risks and how they can best move out of their own personal comfort zone.

If you need help moving out of your comfort zone, one of the best ways to get support is by hiring a coach, mentor, consultant or an objective person who will help you set new goals and reach for the stars.

Sherry Collier is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and small business coach who specializes in coaching entrepreneurs about starting and/or expanding the business of their dreams. As a therapist, I understand the importance of shifting your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to overcome mental blocks, outdated patterns, and other obstacles that stand in the way of success.

Visit http://www.creativepathtogrowth.com to get your free 11 minute audio called “Envision Your Success” to help you orient your mind toward success. Every business start-up needs objective feedback, ideas, support and practical tools to help them grow. Creative Path to Growth Coaching services will get you where you want to go.

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About the author.

 “I started Creative Path to Growth Coaching and Counseling to inspire action within individuals who are ready to step into their life of purpose and passion. I believe that we are each created with unique talents, traits, skills and gifts that are meant to be used to carry out our unique life purpose.”

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talhotblond

http://creativepathtogrowth.com/about/

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2014/jul/31/a-promise-review-alan-rickman-rebecca-hall

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/between-cultures/201612/how-leave-our-comfort-zones

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Promise_(2013_film)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2191082/

https://www.nytimes.com/2014/04/18/movies/a-promise-with-alan-rickman-and-rebecca-hall.html?_r=0